


Never Fade

by RhinoHill



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: F/M, Jack Johnson - Freeform, Memory Loss, Sad with a Happy Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-11
Updated: 2019-02-17
Packaged: 2019-10-26 09:54:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,866
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17743685
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RhinoHill/pseuds/RhinoHill
Summary: Jack is injected with a neurotoxin that paralyses him and causes memory loss, and only Sam can save him.But Jack may not make it. And if he does, he may not remember.---oOo---





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by the Jack Johnson song "Never Fade", I wanted to write this because I'm currently writing about a character with Alzheimers and wanted to give a voice to the love that passes between carers and those who can't remember.
> 
> I'm here to grow as a writer, so please tell me if it resonates with you?
> 
> And if you shed a tear or two, I'm sorry. I did too. I'm a little sad today after hearning the news of Carmen Argenziano's death. May the depth he brought to Stargate never fade.
> 
> \---oOo---

Never Fade  
“Teal’c, Daniel?” Jack’s voice cracked over the radio as the team sat next to the fire. He was on perimeter control. “Little help here.”

Sam grabbed her radio. “Colonel? Where are you? We’re on our way.”

“Watch the insects.” As they approached his position, their radios crackled to life again. He sounded out of breath. “The lil blue buggers. They bite. Andja dun wanna be bidden…” the words slurred to a close.

“My god, Jack, what happened?” Daniel reached him first. The colonel was slumped unnaturally against a tree, as if he’d fallen badly and not bothered pushing himself up. His right arm held his radio, trembling with the effort.

“Watch ther bugzz” Jack warned again, his seriousness belying the comic statement.

Sam looked up at a hive of bluish, bee-like creatures. She crouched down slowly next to her C.O. “Sir,” her hand gently steadied his on the radio, ”did these blue insects sting you?”

“Yep,”

“Can you walk, sir?”

“Can’t really move.” His mouth twisted in apology.

With a small squeeze, Sam released his hand and turned to face her team-mates. Unsupported, his muscles gave way and his hand dropped to the ground with a thud. Sam glanced around in shock. The speed with which his paralysis was spreading was frightening.

“Teal’c, Daniel,” her whisper was a command. “Move slowly so you don’t disturb the insects. Carry him back to camp. I’ll make sure the insects don’t follow you. Once you’re there, get back to the gate as fast as you can. Bring back a stretcher and a containment unit for the insects so Dr Fraser can find out what they injected into him.”

Both nodded and followed her directions without a word. Jack’s head lolled uncomfortably between them.

“Daniel,” Sam’s urgent whisper stopped him. “Ask Janet to send a respirator and a resuscitation unit.” 

For a moment, Daniel’s eyes closed against the implication. But even an archaeologist could figure out that progressive muscle paralysis would probably affect the heart and breathing muscles eventually. With a quick swallow and a nod, he and Teal’c turned away and broke into a run, bouncing Jack between them.

\---oOo---

Jack’s eyes fluttered open. He was lying in his tent, on something very soft. Or maybe it just felt that way. Pressure on his wrist made him turn his eyes. His neck muscles didn’t seem to want to follow. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw concerned blue-grey eyes and soft blonde hair. 

“Carter, what happened?”  
“Sir, welcome back.” The relief in her voice fell over him like a blanket. “You passed out while Teal’c and Daniel carried you back. Are you in pain?”

“Back from where?” His left eye twitched with the effort of remembering.

“Sir? You don’t…?” slowly, as realisation set in, Sam squeezed her lips between her teeth and set her chin. Her other hand, the one not circling his wrist to feel his pulse, settled softly on his shoulder. His skin tingled at her touch. Everything felt blissfully good. But he couldn’t move.

“You were stung by insects, sir, and they seem to have injected you with a neurotoxin of some sort. It paralysed your skeletal muscles.” She swallowed slowly and Jack tried to smile. Whatever the critters had injected into him, it was heightening his sense of her. He could TASTE her beauty. 

“Your heart and breathing muscles seem to be unaffected for the moment.” The small smile that accompanied her words released a burst of heat in his chest. “But Teal’c and Daniel have gone back to the SGC to get medical backup.” She hesitated, and the fear in her eyes drew a dark veil across his happiness. “Do you remember the insects, sir?”

“What insects?”

A deep line creased her forehead. The line sliced through his chest. He remembered no insects, but he remembered her. He remembered how good it felt to make her smile. That was something not to let go of.

“Carter?” 

“Sir?”

“Don’t frown like that. Trust me, you’ll thank me when you’re my age and don’t have frowny wrinkles.”

There it was. The smile. The dimples. Bubbles of happiness floated through his chest.

“Carter? What happened?”

And then the sadness was back. “You were stung by some insects, sir.” Her voice was quiet. “They seem to have injected you with a neurotoxin that paralysed your muscles and is interfering with your memory. Are you in pain, sir?”

“I’m fine.” He attempted a small smile for her sake. The room was toppling slowly from side to side, but her face was his anchor.

“Are you struggling to breathe, sir?”

“A little.”

“Okay, sir. Help is on the way. And if it gets too hard, I can breathe for you until it gets here.” She was so in control. But her sadness poured cold water around his heart. 

“Sam?” 

“Yes?” It was just a whisper.

“You have a lovely smile.”

Her eyes closed as the smile spread its warmth across her face and into him.

“You’ll breathe for me?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Why would you need to do that?”

Her lower lip furrowed under the pressure of her teeth. The tiniest hiss of air escaped her mouth before she regained control. But he felt it all. He could feel her heart beating through her skin where it touched him. Even stronger than his own. 

“Because you’re struggling to breathe, sir. You were stung by something that paralysed your muscles.”

“Oh.” He hesitated. “I don’t remember. Sorry.”

Blue-grey eyes filled with tears. “It’s fine sir. Just rest. Help is on its way.” 

Her hand lifted from his shoulder and brushed away the hair sticking to his forehead. Jack tried to swallow but his throat was filled with cement. His mouth dropped open with the effort.

“Sir, are you in pain? Can I do anything?”

She was there. Worried. But there.

“Why can’t I move?”

A quick breath in and she answered. “You’ve been paralysed by a toxin sir. Help is on its way. I’m here. If you struggle to breathe, I’ll breathe for you.”

“Where are we?”

“Px-… off world, sir. Waiting for help.”

“Why can’t I move, Sam?”

He couldn’t tell if she coughed or snatched for breath. A warm tear dropped onto his cheek. Her tear. He could smell her all around him. His brain willed his mouth into a comforting smile that didn’t happen.

“As long as you can breathe, Sir, you don’t need to move. And if you struggle to breathe, I’ll breathe for you.” Her fingers combed slow paths through his hair. His scalp tingled. “Help is coming.”

“You’ll breathe for me?”

Blackness was starting to creep into the edges of his world. A whirl of conversation rushed back at him. Insects. Falling. Forgetting. Something important. He had to remember. To make her smile.

“I’ll breathe for you.” Her hand squeezed his wrist reassuringly

“You’ll finally kiss me and I won’t remember?”

Surprise made her pupils swell, her irises grow darker. He loved her so much.

“I’ve wanted to kiss you for ever and I won’t remember. Doh.”

Through the darkness crowding in, he heard the gasp of her laugh and the weight on his chest felt lighter.

“I’ll remember for both of us, Jack.” Her breath feathered his skin.

He was so tired. Slowly, his eyes focused on her. She was crying.

“Don’t cry, Sam. I love you.”

He felt her hair fall against his cheeks as she rested her forehead against his. A snippet of a song from long ago floated into his mouth.

“It feels good to be the one that you want,” he whispered against her lips, “when all I want is you…”

The world was dark and something was sitting on his chest. 

“Sam? Where are we?”

“We’re together, Jack. I’m going to breathe for you now, okay?”

\---oOo---

“Sam,”

She had seen Janet leaving Jack’s plastic isolation chamber and walking towards her, but still Sam started.

The doctor’s hand was warm on her arm.

“Are you sure you’re feeling all right?”

Sam nodded mutely, unable to tear her eyes away from the heart-and-lung machine keeping him alive. “How is he?” Her throat squeezed the words out.

“Stable. The toxin seems to be something similar to novichoc. His recovery will be slow, but as long as his brain recovers he should be okay.” A pause. “You saved his life, Sam.” Another pause. Her friend seemed to be assessing her. She couldn’t bring herself to care. 

“Your blood tests show you weren’t exposed to the toxin through your contact with the colonel. But I’d like you to stay in the infirmary tonight, just in case.

Sam felt herself nodding. “Can I get my computer? There’s something I need to look up.”

\---oOo---

In the semi-darkness of the night infirmary, Sam’s laptop screen glowed to life. It feels good to be the one that you want, she typed into the search engine, when all I want is you.

Despite herself, she smiled at the result. Jack Johnson. A singer with his name. Slowly, she scrolled through the lyrics on the screen.

“It feels good to be the one, that you want,  
When all I want is you.

You see I knew right then, that this could last so long  
I went home that night, I wrote my first love song  
And as the days went by, I knew I had it made  
Well you could try to pretend, your smile gave it away.”

Sam smiled the secret smile that she thought she had never let him see and kept on reading.

“And now here we are, how could we ever know,  
I knew I loved you then and I've watched you grow  
So it came to be, that I raised you and you raised me  
We’re lucky that way, cause our love can never fade.”

The blood drained away from her face. “No,” she whispered to herself. “No, no no no no.” She was up and out of bed, tearing at the closure on Jack’s plastic isolation bubble.

“Leave me!” she snapped at the orderly who tried to keep her out. “I’ve given him mouth to mouth. If I was going to catch anything I would’ve caught it already.”

“Jack!” His hand was a dead weight in hers, his eyes draped shut against the light. “Jack, don’t you dare fade away! I love you!” She dropped her head against his chest where the machine whirred in place of his heart and the ventilator moved his lungs up and down.

“Jack, I don’t care if you remember and spend the rest of my life teasing me about kissing you or if you don’t remember a thing. Our love won’t fade away because I’ll keep loving you. Don’t you dare fade away on me. Don’t you dare fade!”

\---oOo---

Sam’s office was a buzz of machine noise and blinking lights, as it always was. Jack knocked once before pushing against the open door.

“Carter?”

“Sir!” The light in her eyes lifted his heart even more than it did before. Her cheeks dimpled with her smile. “Welcome back. How are you feeling?”

“Like I’ve lost twelve days to a hive of blue bugs.” He stepped into her office and lifted his chin. “I hear you’re getting a medal for getting me outta there alive. Thanks for that.”

Something like pain flashed across her eyes before she looked away and started shuffling papers. “You would have done the same for me, sir.”

“Hmmm.” His thumb tapped a rhythm against her oversized desk in time to the music playing softly in the background. 

Hang on. Music. 

“Carter?”

“Sir?”

“I didn’t know you listened to music?”

She swivelled away, but a blush crept up the back of her neck. Jack was intrigued. He walked around to her computer monitor and clicked into her music programme. From the corner of his eye, he saw her watching warily. But she didn’t stop him. He peered at the name on the screen.

“Carter!” He swung towards her, grinning. “Why didn’t you mention you like Jack Johnson! All the time I’ve bored you with fishing talk, we could have been discussing something that didn’t make your eyes roll into the back of your skull! Isn’t his stuff great?”

“I…” she cradled herself in her arms. “I…”

“Carter?” The pain on her face pulled his stomach into his throat. He rounded the table towards her, but before he took three steps she clamped her hand across her mouth and bolted towards the woman’s rest room.

His hand on the door knob, he watched her retreating form. He wondered if he would one day have the courage to tell her how much this song reminded him of her.

“Cause our love can never fade,” Jack Johnson crooned in the background.


	2. Do you remember?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She pulled back in his arms. Big, blue-grey eyes searched his face for something he couldn’t name. An end to her pain, perhaps. More than anything, he wanted to give her that. “I’ve got you, Carter,” he whispered, holding her eyes with his. “You can let go.”
> 
> \---oOo---

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An unexpected sequel.
> 
> Because S asked for it...

Her nightmare woke him on their first night back on mission.

They all had nightmares – most people didn’t even survive basic training without developing an unhealthy little collection. But the ones that kept you crying after you wake up, those came from a deep place. She hadn’t had those before.

“No! No no no no no!” He snapped awake. She was fighting her sleeping bag and almost hit him when he crawled closer and wrapped his arms around the sobbing, writhing mass of arms and legs that was his beautiful major.

“Shhhh Carter.” He struggled to keep his voice to a whisper while her sleeping body fought. “Shhhh, it’s a dream. I got ya. I got ya.”

“Oh god. Jack, oh god.” 

She was awake, but shaking so hard he didn’t want to risk loosening his grip. He felt her turning in his arms. Her head cradled into the hollow of his throat. A trembling hand snaked out of her sleeping bag and came to rest, palm flat, against his heart. “Oh god,” she whispered again before dissolving into heaving sobs. He drifted off to an uneasy sleep with her still weeping quietly into his chest, her palm measuring the beating of his heart.

“Sorry about last night, Sir.” She rolled away from him the next morning as soon as the soft alarm sounded in their tent and was up and out before he could uncrick his neck. When she lifted her sunglasses that afternoon to calibrate one of her machines, he saw her eyes were still puffy. When she caught his gaze, she quickly looked away.

On the second night, he was just getting into his own sleeping bag when she started struggling in hers. 

“NO! BREATHE!” she screamed, punching and kicking her bag as if shaking someone awake.

With a small sigh, he pulled his sleeping bag and pillow next to hers before pressing his body against her back. “Shhhhh,” his arms gently folded around her and she startled awake, shaking. “Shhhhh.” He felt her beginning to shift and guided her head back to the hollow of his throat, turning slightly so that he could lie on his back and still cradle her. Her sobs were gentler tonight, but still, he fell asleep before she stopped crying.

On the third night, during his guarding shift, he found himself making hot chocolate, strong and not too sweet, at 02h15. He told himself it was for him, but at 02h20, when he heard the first shout from inside their tent, he was already crouched at the entrance, a steaming cup of it, just the way she liked it, in his hands.

She was thrashing across the space towards his empty sleeping bag and howled like a dying animal when her hand touched the cold, flat fabric.

“Carter! I’m here. I’m right here.” He knelt down next to her and placed a hand heavily on her shoulder to keep her still. She didn’t even wake up, just rolled onto her side and wrapped herself, foetal, around his legs. Her breathing slowed.

Jack bit his lower lip. His hand slipped from her shoulder to her soft, blonde hair, damp from the tracks of her tears.

“Carter,” he stroked her hair. “I need to get back outside. Can you roll over?” 

Even in sleep, she complied. When her back nestled in against his knees he stroked her sleeping head one last time and straightened up with a quiet sigh. He sipped her hot chocolate under the stars and imagined what kissing her would be like with the taste of it on her tongue.

On day four, he quietly arranged for her to have the first guarding shift and him to have the last, so that they could be together when her nightmare came. When she slipped into her sleeping bag, he opened his eyes.

“Carter,” he spoke quietly. She turned to him, wary. Her eyes were raw and bruised from days of crying. His stomach twisted. “I don’t want to be presumptuous, but wouldn’t it be less hassle for you just to start out here?” With a small, kind tweak of his lips, he unzipped the top half of his sleeping bag and opened his arms.

He wasn’t sure what he expected, but another deluge of tears wasn’t it. He didn’t know what to do to make her hurt less and it made him want to tear a hole in the sky. Her face and body both crumpled against his chest. Helplessly, he tucked himself around her and stroked her hair.

“I’m sorry, sir,” she mumbled against the skin of his throat.

“For what? For having nightmares?”

“For not being able to pull myself together.” Her body shook against him.

“Carter, have you spoken to someone about this?”

She nodded, and he kicked himself. Of course she had. She wasn’t helpless or stupid. She had just dealt with something horrific that he couldn’t even remember.

“Okay.” He soothed himself as much as her. “Maybe it will help to let it out. Before you fall asleep and it fights its way out.” 

She pulled back in his arms. Big, blue-grey eyes searched his face for something he couldn’t name. An end to her pain, perhaps. More than anything, he wanted to give her that. “I’ve got you, Carter,” he whispered, holding her eyes with his. “You can let go.”

Her lips crashed against his. Her hands cupped his head and pulled him into her. Her tongue forced his mouth open and stroked against his, hungry, pulsing, as if she were trying to breathe him in. Jack stiffened in shock. Then he closed his eyes and poured his longing into her. His arms pulled her closer, his legs twined over hers from inside his sleeping bag.

Eventually, she slowed, and pulled her lips away. Softly, almost sadly.

“Sam.” Her name on his lips, her taste in his mouth, surrounded him with wonder. He could barely move.

She looked into his eyes, her own still shining with her tears. “Tell me you remember?” she asked.


	3. Love in narrow spaces

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the confines of their pup-tent, a whispered conversation finally gives Sam peace.   
> And Jack much more than he bargained on.
> 
> \---oOo---

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This scene is inspired by Twitter's @samismymuse and her Narrow Spaces series.   
> Check out her stuff - it's awesome!
> 
> I dedicate this chapter to everyone who, like me, started the week sad because of Carmen Argenziano. We all deserve a happy ending xo
> 
> \---oOo---

“Tell me you remember?” she asked.

Jack was on fire with the taste of her. His nerve endings tingled at the memory of her kiss. His heart, under her watchful palm, leapt at what she had just done. He felt like picking her up and swinging her around, shouting his laughter to the starry sky. But the expression on her face needed something else from him.

He took her head between his hands. Her eyes were pools of desperation. Tenderly, he kissed the shining tracks from her cheeks. She nestled closer, but her face did not relax.

“I remember I’ve wanted to kiss you forever,” his whisper was gruff with desire.

Pain crowded back into her eyes and she tried to pull her head out of his grasp, even while pressing her hand tighter to his heart. But he wasn’t letting her go anywhere. Never again. Her resistance faded and she closed her eyes as his thumbs caressed her cheeks.

“You said that… that night.” The words, when they came, were a sigh. A sigh that left her trembling. She was letting him in to her nightmare.

“Well.” He brushed his tongue along the line between her lips. “At least we know the little blue buggers didn’t steal my senses.”

He couldn’t tell if her answering noise was a sob or a laugh. That sound stirred a sensation. Half-remembered. He had to know.

“Sam, what happened that night?”

Her eyes snapped open. In the darkness, she stared straight into his mind. 

“You really don’t remember?”

He shook his head.

“And you don’t believe the mission report.” He didn’t know where the bitter edge in her whisper came from, but if she was willing to let him in, it was time for him to come clean, too. He swallowed.

“The mission report has disappeared.”

“What?”

“Carter.” He sighed and pulled her into his chest. This was easier when he could hold her. “We stepped through the gate here on earth, and the next thing I knew I woke up in the infirmary and you were staring at me like I was a replicator who had just forced you to watch me eating your entire family.” He took a breath to steady himself and stroked her hair. “Nothing spooks you, Carter. You’re the toughest person I’ve ever met. For you to look at me like that… I didn’t want to know what had happened. But I knew I never wanted anyone with bad intentions to get their paws on something that would damage you that way.” There it was, the thing he thought he could keep from her, to shield her from the depth of his love for her. Now she knew. Jack sighed, feeling the movement of his own shoulders through her. “I spoke to Hammond. It disappeared.”

Minutes passed, and he started to think she had fallen asleep. Then her lips started moving against his skin.

“The insect venom erased your memory and paralysed your muscles. You stopped breathing…” a shudder wracked her body, “twelve minutes before Janet arrived with the respirator. I told her it was two because she would have refused to resuscitate you if she knew. I couldn’t feel your heartbeat from the time you stopped breathing. I had no idea if you would be so brain damaged that you wouldn’t be you anymore.” The words poured out of her as her body trembled. “I know I shouldn’t have done it. But,” her voice choked off.

Jack closed his eyes. In-field protocol was to end manual resuscitation after six minutes without a heartbeat, to avoid catastrophic brain damage because of lack of oxygen in the brain. The thought of her terror as she kept him alive with her breath and waited to see if he would wake up, rained ice down his back. 

He ran his fingers slowly through her hair. “But what?”

Another shudder, and her whisper: “But you told me that you love me and I couldn’t let you go. I’m sorry.”

For a moment, all he could do was breathe. The truth was too big for a space so small. Then her apology started sinking in.

“Hold on, Sam.” He lifted her face between his hands. “I will not let you apologise for keeping me alive! I’m here because of you!”

“Are you?” She was more frightened than he had ever seen her, in capture or battle. “Do you really feel, do you feel, are you…?” 

And that was it, unmasked. The reason for her fear. His stomach clenched. But he finally knew what she needed from him.

His lips pressed onto her words. Slowly, tenderly, he deepened the kiss until her shoulders relaxed and her body responded.

“My Sam,” he didn’t lift his lips from hers as he spoke. “I’m one hundred percent me. However useless my brain was before, it’s still all in working order. You saved me.”

Sam lay silent in his arms. Compliant. Willing herself to believe. But the tension wouldn’t leave her eyes. Jack ached with the need to make her believe him, to finally make her smile again. He feathered a kiss against each eyelid and leaned back, watching her.

“How can I convince you that I’m me?” His thumb traced the soft curve of her jaw. “Let’s see. Those damn bugs clearly injected me with some kind of truth serum too. If I tell you the same things now that I did then, will you believe me?” He forced lightness into his tone, to hide how serious he knew this was for her. “First off, Homer is the best Simpson.” He ran his hands up and down the length of her spine. “The one thing I will never understand about you is how you can prefer jello to pie.” 

She closed her eyes and the corners of her mouth lifted a fraction. 

Jack slid his hands down to cradle her butt. “Your ass is a masterpiece.”

Another little grunt that was half sob, half laugh, but her mouth definitely wanted to smile.

“I fell in love with you about three weeks after we met, the day you fought that bastard who bought you to be his wife and you kicked his butt.” 

A dimple appeared in her left cheek. 

“That smile you hide by dropping your head,” he continued, stroking his hands over the curve of her butt and back up to her shoulder blades. “I love that smile. No matter how many snake heads we kill, I don’t regard a mission as a success until I’ve seen you give that smile.”

Peace finally reached her eyes as she looked back up at him. “You told me I have a beautiful smile.”

He covered the hand that guarded his heart with his own. “You see? I’m really me. And I love you, Samantha Carter.”

Her fingers laced into his and she leaned her forehead against his. “I love you, Jack.”

When the nightmare jolted them both awake, there was no need for words. Jack pulled open his sleeping bag and she pressed the length of her body against him. He tucked his hand under her shirt and pressed it into the soft skin over her spine, behind her heart. While she felt his heartbeat with her hand, he guarded hers with his.

\---oOo---

As always, Jack woke five minutes before his soft alarm heralded the start of his guarding shift. She hadn’t moved. Her long, slender fingers lay watchfully between their chests, over his heart. Her legs tangled into his, pressing her heat against his cock through the fabric of their clothes. With a throb, his erection grew, straining painfully against the elastic of his boxers. Jack groaned and shifted his legs to release the pressure. Sam sighed in her sleep and nestled her hips closer to his, pressing her groin into him. He gasped. Slowly, so as not to disturb her, he reached down between them and freed the head from the painful constriction under the elastic. Lying back, he willed himself to breathe his desire away.

At the sound of the alarm, her eyes snapped open. Watchful. But dry. She looked at her hand on his chest, then up into his smiling face.

“Morning,” he whispered.

Slow happiness spread through her expression as she woke more fully. Her hand slid down his chest – and stopped when it touched the silky wetness of his pulsing head. 

Jack gave a small, embarrassed grimace. “Sorry,” he whispered through the side of his mouth. For a moment, her eyes widened. Then that dimple appeared. With one movement, she pushed his boxers down and grasped his shaft.

“Sam!” he gasped as her body slid lower, her hand gliding up and down. “Carter!” Her lips circled his tip. Her tongue lapped at his opening, sipping his wetness. 

“Shit, fuck!” In a heartbeat, she took his length in her mouth, sucking hard, stroking urgently with lips and tongue. Her hand cupped his balls and a fingertip grazed the sensitive skin behind them. Jack grabbed her pillow and bit down hard to stifle his cry of release as he exploded in her mouth.

Panting, he opened his eyes and moved the pillow away so he could see her. The sight of her head on his stomach, his cock still filling her mouth, shook his body with a fresh contraction. 

Her smile, THAT smile, carried heat, and love, and promise. Releasing him with a final lick, she planted a demure kiss on his cock and rested her chin on his stomach.

“Good morning, sir,” she whispered.


	4. One thing they forgot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He wasn’t coming. She had no idea what had made her believe he would. If he had wanted to talk to her about what she had done this morning in their tent, floating high on the knowledge that he was okay and that he loved her, surely he would have done it by now? He wouldn’t have run off the base like that. What the hell had she done?
> 
> \---oOo---

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The final turn in the tale of the nasty blue bugs, of memories lost... but happiness found.
> 
> Thank you to everyone who read, left kudos or comments. You are all unicorns.
> 
> Barbara, this ending is for you xo
> 
> \---oOo---

Sam prowled around her house in the deepening gloom of evening. Dread coiled in her belly like an electric eel. What had she done? 

All afternoon after they stepped back through the stargate into the SGC she had been trying to catch him alone. Truth be told, she had hoped he would try to catch her alone, too. But Janet’s post-mission medical had taken hours. She knew her friend was concerned about her puffy eyes and tired face. The doctor knew about her nightmares – they had started that first night in the infirmary, days before Jack had woken up. She could tell Janet knew they had not gone away, and she couldn’t tell her friend that she suspected they would fade away after last night. Because she couldn’t tell her why.

By the time her medical was over, he’d left the base. With a fire in her heart, she had rushed home, stopping at the grocery store for dinner. For two. Just in case. And a bottle of wine. She had hummed her way through her shower. For the first time in her life, she enjoyed the mundane act of shaving, because she imagined his thumbs running over the smooth skin that the razor touched. She had shaved EVERYWHERE. Stepping out of the haze of steam, she had looked at her body in the mirror, remembering his words, the way his hands flowed down her back and cupped her butt, pulling her closer into him. “Your ass is a masterpiece,” he had told her. She had closed her eyes and run her hands over her body, willing them to turn into him, until she was slick and wet and trembling. Slowly, she had dressed in what she had hoped would pass for a casual outfit, but in reality was a dress she had bought for a date and never worn. A pale blue halterneck, fitted to the waist and flared to just above her knee. With a small smile, she had spritzed on perfume and brushed on mascara. 

But that was an hour ago.

Half an hour ago she had caught herself nervously sipping a glass of wine while she pushed the contents of her plate around in front of her, and the uncertainty had started to gnaw. With a sigh, she had scraped the food into a plastic container and placed it in the fridge. Maybe tomorrow night she would feel like eating.

And now it was getting dark. He had left the base two hours ago. He wasn’t coming. She had no idea what had made her believe he would. If he had wanted to talk to her about what she had done this morning in their tent, floating high on the knowledge that he was okay and that he loved her, surely he would have done it by now? He wouldn’t have run off the base like that. What had she done?

The eel of dread coiled inside her and she dashed a tear angrily off her cheek. For god’s sake. She had to stop crying! Stomping harder than she needed to, she walked around the house, drawing the curtains on the falling night and on the bubble of happiness in her chest. “Stupid,” she mouthed to herself as she passed her reflection in the hall mirror. She pulled angrily at the bow fastening the dress behind her neck as she stomped towards her bedroom. Anger helped. It stopped her thinking about how she could possibly face him and apologise. “I’m sorry, sir, for sucking you off the other day. I was just so happy you were okay.” FUCK. What had she done?

Back in her bedroom, she stripped the dress off and threw it angrily to the floor, then sighed and picked it up, folding it carefully before she put it away. She pulled a threadbare old college hockey t-shirt out of the dresser and shrugged it over her head, finding comfort in the soft, stretched cotton. With another deep sigh, she started her bedtime ritual. It was early, but she was shattered. She hoped oblivion would take her soon. While brushing her teeth, she did the last circuit of the house, checking that doors were locked, windows latched and switching off the lights. As she reached for the light switch in the entrance hall, a soft knock sounded at the door, right next to her shoulder.

“Sam?” she heard him say.

Her stomach erupted in butterflies. Before she had time to think, her hands were on the deadbolt, and she pulled the door open. At the slow smile that spread across his face as he looked her up and down, she suddenly realised she had opened the door to him wearing only panties and a stretched-out t-shirt that barely even covered them, with a toothbrush in her mouth. She flushed crimson and took a step back.

“My god, you look adorable,” he chuckled as he stepped inside and closed the door behind him. “If id’a known you greet your guests dressed like this, I would’a come over months ago!”

Sam just about ran into her bedroom and through to the en-suite bathroom to rinse her mouth. Slow, steady footsteps followed behind her. She dropped her toothbrush back into its holder, dried her face and hands and shut her eyes for a moment. Then she turned to face him. 

He was leaning against the door frame of her bedroom, as if waiting to be invited in. His eyes shone with love. His smile stopped the cold slithering in her belly and spread sweet heat through her. Smiling nervously, she took one step towards him. Then another. And suddenly she was lifted into his arms, his lips pressing against hers, one hand in her hair to pull her into his kiss, one holding her hips to him. She wrapped her legs around his waist and startled herself with a throaty moan as her clit pressed against his erection. She felt him throbbing against her and the arm around her hips tightened, grinding her into him. She gasped against his lips.

“My Sam,” he breathed as he covered the distance to her bed, carrying her as if she had no weight at all. Slowly, holding her close, he leaned over the mattress and released her onto it. His hands found the hem of her loose t-shirt and slid up under it, tracing over hips, and ribs, then moving in to cup her breasts. His lips covered her belly button and began a slow ascent to his hands. Gently, he lifted her T-shirt, exposing her flushed body and hard nipples to his gaze. Her breath caught in her throat. 

Jack shifted his weight, pressing one leg between her thighs to touch her as he bent down and took one nipple in his mouth, sucking, licking, caressing. Sam couldn’t stop the little animal whimpers escaping her mouth as she arched her back into his mouth and rubbed herself against his leg. He looked up at her, eyes smouldering, lifted the shirt over her head and ran his hands back down her body, hooked them into her panties and slid them slowly down the length of her legs. Through the fog of her desire, Sam smiled to herself. His thumbs were tracing the smooth skin covered by her razor. Shaving was one of the many things that would never be the same again.

With a gasp, she returned to reality as his warm tongue licked her sex and plunged inside her, circling lazily on its way out. He traced the line of her up to her clit, and gently nipped it with his teeth, making her buck and cry out. A happy chuckle rumbling in his chest, he gripped her butt and lifted her hips, sucking hard, then blowing a cool stream of air over her as pressure flooded her body and brought her to the edge. As her muscles tensed towards climax, plunged his tongue inside her, deep and soft and warm. Sam exploded onto him with a cry that left her breathless, boneless, barely able to move. She felt him lowering her hips and opened her eyes, panting hard. He placed a feather-light kiss on her mound and smiled up at her from between her legs, eyes twinkling with mischief. 

“Good evening, major,” he said with a slow wink. “I owed you that.”

Her laughter. Jack couldn’t remember the last time he’d heard that sound. He ran his hands along the insides of her thighs, planting a soft kiss on each knee, on the rise of each calf, the slender curve of each ankle. His skin was burning with the need to hold her, but tonight he didn’t want to rush a single second. He wanted to love every inch of her. 

She propped herself up on her elbows. Her smile took his breath away. Scooting forward until she sat with her thighs spread wide around his torso, she reached down and tugged his shirt up and over his head. She leaned forward and kissed him deeply, tasting herself on his tongue. With a moan, she tangled her fingers through his hair and lost herself in the movement of their mouths. Jack ached with his need for her. 

“Sam,” he was hoarse with longing.

Her hands slid over his chest and unfastened his belt, then his jeans. He stood up and kicked them off, quickly sliding his boxers after them. She ran her fingertips along his shaft and kissed his weeping head. With a groan, he touched her shoulder and she lifted her eyes to him. Smiling wordlessly, she took the condom from his hand, opened it and rolled it onto him. The fingers of her right hand found his left and laced into his. She shifted backwards, pulling him onto the bed over her. As he pushed his cock into her, she whimpered with pleasure and fixed her eyes on his, holding his gaze until he filled her completely. The rhythm of her hips on his was slow, and spoke of the future. Her body rose to meet him, her right hand still tangled in his. With every thrust she looked deeper into his soul and he fell further into her.

He thrummed with the building orgasm when blinding pain shot through his right knee. Jack grimaced and froze, straightening the leg to lessen the pain. Wide blue eyes, dark with desire, questioned his face, then shifted to his leg. Her left arm reached up and stroked his head. Without saying a word, she braced her left leg under her and lifted into him, supporting the weight of his right side on her hip. Slowly, tenderly, she started to move around him. 

The angle of her hips, high against him, pressed him deep inside her and caught her clit against him with every shift of pressure.

“Jack” she whispered as her orgasm shook her around him. With a strangled cry, he released himself into her, his body into her body and his heart into her heart.

\---oOo---

Five minutes before his alarm went off, Jake woke. She wasn’t in her bed. The smell of coffee wafted at him from the kitchen. With a smile, he rolled to the edge of the bed and pulled on his boxers and jeans, putting his hand in his pocket to make sure it was still there.

Barefoot and bare chested, he padded towards the sound of her.

“Good morning, major.” He gave a lazy wink as she turned towards him, dressed in that same old t-shirt that showed him every curve and made him hard with memories.

“Good morning, sir.” That smile. His smile. His heart thudded as he ran his fingertips over the diamond ring in his pocket.

“Coffee, cream, two sugars.” She placed a steaming mug on the kitchen island and he walked over to it. Then she hesitated. “Um. I can make breakfast, but…” 

He lifted the mug to his lips and frowned the question at her. “But what?”

She looked down uncomfortably. “But I didn’t know if you’d prefer to leave sooner. So, you know, so people don’t see us… together.”

It was such a simple statement, but the sadness in her voice wrapped around his heart. Jack put down his coffee.

“Actually, if you agree, I’d like to go into work together today. We just need to make a stop at Hammond’s office.”

Emotions chased across her face. Jack swallowed down a nervous flutter. 

“You see, those little blue bastards on that planet made me tell you a lot of things, but there was one thing they forgot to make me say.” Slowly, he dropped onto his left knee and held the ring out to her. 

“I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”


End file.
